Brene Brown back on June 1, 2010 came on the scene via her TED Talk – The Power of Vulnerability. She was a researcher who saw in her data that “vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center of meaningful human experiences.” She was a social worker for 10 years, and through her research realized it was all about connecting and that we are hard wired to connect with others. She recognized that it was shame that prevented connection and because of our self-judgment and not feeling worthy, it stops us from connecting even though it’s a deep need within all of us. The paradox was: at the core of shame and fear is vulnerability, and in the same vein, vulnerability gives rise to joy, longing, and love. However, due to the overpowering energy of shame and fear, we numb ourselves from being vulnerable.
Not wanting to be vulnerable is something I resonate very much with, however over the past decade I’ve been working towards being more vulnerable. I have discovered that in order for me to be more vulnerable and open, I had to start being more kind, loving, and accepting to myself before I could even attempt to be vulnerable with others. Part of deconstructing myself was letting go of who I thought I should be and just embracing who I really am. The trick that I learned which is still a work in progress is to get out of my mind and get back into my heart. Staying in my mind and making rational decisions goes against my ability to trust and be open to all the possibilities and opportunities that are out there.
The funny thing is that when you connect with your body and learn to trust your body’s signals, responses, and reactions to stress, you help to build more compassion and acceptance of yourself. Learning to work with your body and paying attention to its subtle messages over time is essential in helping to bring you reassurance when some bizarre health crisis appears. This is the true power of staying open and not engrossed and stuck in your mind. The more you try to figure it out or check WebMD or ask your PCP, the more anxiety builds when no conclusive answers appear. However, if you have spent time connecting with your body’s rhythms and patterns, you will have an inner confidence and better ability to recognize what is happening in your life or mind that is at the root of your health crisis.
Courage is from the Latin root word, Cor, – which is heart. Being vulnerable cannot be done without courage. By having more compassion and being kind to yourself first is the only way you can truly do it for others. Let go of who you think they should be and learn to accept them for who they really were. It sounds so simple to live wholehearted, but the rewards of doing so allow you to first give to yourself so that way you can give more to your loved ones and others.
In order to escape the jail bars of your mind, the path out is to get into your heart. Otherwise, we spend a lifetime trying to make uncertain things certain and live in a state of fear, because we keep looking for a guarantee. One way to shift out of fear of the future is to practice gratitude and accept joy in your life. Be grateful for all the wonderful things that happen in your life as well as all the challenging events. The more that you practice seeing the gift in all your daily experiences – good or bad – the more you to build your muscle of gratitude.
In closing, one of the most important gifts you can give to yourself and others is to recognize and believe that you are enough. By embracing the statement, “I am enough,” you start the journey to decrease self-judgments, begin listening to yourself, and become gentler with yourself and others. If you seek connection, don’t let the fear of disconnecting breed more of your shame. Do your best not to blame someone else for your past or current situation, because by taking ownership of your life you become empowered and open yourself up to take the risk to be vulnerable and step into your life.